Leo's story
I knew Leo was different. He never quite fit in and he never really did things like other kids his age. Thanks to a teacher he had in the 1st grade, Leo began the testing process to see if there was something medically different with him. His first diagnosis was ADHD and his life of taking medicine began. Then, in the fall of 2007 my life changed forever. My 7 year old son woke up one night screaming from a nightmare he had and refused to go back to sleep. I'm sure every parent goes thru that at one point in their child’s lives, right? Well, that was the beginning of my nightmare. Leo not only refused to sleep that night but for a solid week after he was “deathly afraid” to be in a dark room and would not go to sleep unless I held him. Being exhausted myself I took him to his pediatrician and prayed for something to help calm him and help him sleep at night. What happened next was one of the scariest and devastating times of my life. The doctor was concerned with some of the things Leo was saying. And it was the first time I was hearing Leo's fears being vocalized. Leo wouldn't be in a dark room or go to sleep because he truly thought the bad guys from his nightmares were going to kill him. He was hearing voices in the day that threatened as soon as he was alone in the dark, they were going to kill him. In short my son had suffered a psychotic break with reality. That night I had to admit him to a psychiatric hospital. He needed a controlled environment, massive counseling and medication to help him get back to reality and to come back to me. I don't remember the ride home. I was so numb and in shock. Leo stayed in the hospital for 7 days. He was put on a regime of medications that seemed to help for a while. He no longer heard voices and he understood that his dreams were not real. He still slept with a night light and refused to go into a dark room.
After his stay, extensive testing and observation it was determined the following: Leo was Autistic, suffered from Psychosis NOS and was ADHD. I was asked so many questions about Leo's birth, childhood and his developmental benchmarks. After listening and analyzing his milestones, things started to make sense. All the “cute” things Leo did while growing up were actually warning signs, and physical markers that could have been interpreted as signs of an autistic child. He crawled really weird. He ran like an 80 year old man, completely hunched over and uncoordinated. He hates crowds. He doesn't like to look people in the eyes until he knows you and feels safe with you. He always plays with his hands, doing repetitive motions. He has an amazing imagination and can tell the best stories that seem real. He doesn't respond to being yelled at or loud noises. He had what we called anger management issues. He would try to do something once and if he couldn't do it, he would throw the object, kick, scream and get completely frustrated. He couldn't understand consequences. It was like you could talk to him and punish him but the connection to why he was just punished and what he did was nonexistent. These are just some of the basics.
Over the next 3 years Leo's medication regime changed. We realized that after trying 4 different stimulant type medicines that they did not work for him. It made him more aggressive and angry. He once kicked a hole in a wall, broke a bathroom window, threw school books and even a desk across a room. Towards other students he was violent as well. He threw a rock at another child’s back. He stabbed a girl in the hand with a pencil. If he felt he was being bullied or picked on he would lash out violently to the kids. Then he had meltdowns. He would fall to the ground crying saying no one understood him and why was everyone being so mean to him. All I could do was hold him until he calmed down. Leo was held back in the 1st grade due to his inability to focus and his continued disciplinary problems. Finally in May of 2010, in one of Leo's weekly counseling sessions, he said he wanted to kill himself. That lead to hospitalization #2.
Leo spent his 10th birthday in a psychiatric hospital. We changed his medications once again. This time he was taken off all stimulants and put on Prozac and a mix of other medications; 3 in all that he takes daily. For now, this mixture seems to be doing well. His legal classification moved to Asperger's Syndrome and ADHD about this time. This has opened the door for special programs at school, Social Security and Medicaid. I pray every day that the last hospitalization is truly the last.
I have to admit that in the back of my mind I always wonder if I had known back then what was wrong and gotten him evaluated sooner, if things would have been better? If he wouldn't have had to suffer in silence for so long. He never knew what was happening to him. He knew he was different but didn't know how to voice his concerns. To be honest, he still has a very hard time vocally telling others what is bothering him or what is wrong. It took a long time but I have come to terms with the fact that I can't second guess myself. I have done the best I could with the information I had at the time.
To me having a child with Autism is an honor. I was chosen by God to raise this awesome kid because He knew I could. I will not lie and say our road has been easy. And I know that our journey is far from being over. But I wouldn't trade any of this for the world. Leo is truly an amazing kid. He is funny, and has such a wild imagination. He has a heart that is bigger than Texas. He will still hold my hand in public, except when a cute girl walks by and he opens doors for me and still loves to cuddle when hanging out on the couch. He is the sweetest boy you could ever know, just ask his teachers from the past few years. Leo just turned 13 this year and I know a whole new world of difficulties await him. But he knows I am right by his side; his biggest supporter and advocate in everything. With the support of my family and friends Leo is going to get thru this thing called life with flying colors.